BBC News - Severed head of patron saint of genital disease on sale

BBC News - Severed head of patron saint of genital disease on sale:

'via Blog this'



I couldn't come up with a better caption than this. Now my brain is plenty weird, and I come up with strangeness that makes people in the grocery store suddenly remember that they needed to be in a different aisle (am I the only one who's chased my roomates around the store with a genuine, whole cow tongue?), but real life sometimes throws me such a great dose of WTF, that I'm all 'you win, world - I couldn't make this one up if I tried'.

This is such a time. Not only did I not know there WAS such a saint, some lucky person could own this guy's preserved head.

The Significant Other is damn lucky that I'm both broke and that this is already over, or I'd totally greet him at the door with the severed head of the saint of GD. I'm still kinda pissed that I missed this auction. Who needs food? I NEED the preserved head of the saint of genital disease.

And then I'd stand outside the local clinic with it, offering Hail Herpes and cleansing via prayer to the head (and all the dumb jokes that go with it). Donations of a financial nature welcome.


UPDATE: This is the chat conversation I just had with the SO about it -

SO: so, how much did the head go for?

me: expected to go for between six hundred and 1200 dollars
I would have done it.

SO: almost seem worth it
seems even

me: That's the only kind of useless item I would have done it for
SAINT HEAD OMG
I didn't know you could own such things
now I want one
I love you Catholics, making a billion saints so I have the opportunity to own the severed head of one of them.

SO: there was even a dog that was suppose to be a saint

SO: To have a real sanctified alter in a Roman Catholic Church, it needs to have bones from a saint in it. Not all of the bones, sometimes just a piece or a finger joint

me: dog saints? gotta have a saint? You guys are nuts.
PIECES OF SAINTS? Now that's just gross.


(Yes, functionally I'm five. Parts of dead people are gross yet compelling.)

More 'stranger than fiction' - true stories from my otherwise boring life

Since people seemed to enjoy my Jack Sparrow fistfight story so much, I figured I'd start sharing a few more 'gems'.


This is an oldie.

When I was a kid, my parents (specifically my mom) were travelling artisans. Mostly renaissance festivals, to be specific.

We trekked down to Florida one year to participate in a show at Vizcaya in Dade county. If you ever get a chance to visit, go. The show was a bust, but the scenery is breathtaking, and it was worth the trip just for that.

Anyway, you're here for a story, not a travelogue.

Another artisan that we knew, let's call him Fred for the sake of protecting the innocent, was also there. Fred was a super fun guy, as long as you took his pathological lying with a large grain of salt. He always had entertaining stories and a gift for telling them.

One morning, Fred runs into our booth. He points toward the ocean, which we were set up next to.

"You wouldn't believe what I just saw!" Generally, no.

"An 80 year old Elvis impersonator playing The Cars on a Mandolin!"

Say what?

As we're trying to parse that statement into something that makes sense, the gentleman in question walks up the marble stairs from the water into our view. All activity ceased for a moment, as we stared in shock and admiration. That little old man wearing a spangled jumpsuit and playing for all he was worth will be embedded in my mind forever.

You go, mandolin Elvis.

Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction

It took me a little while to figure out how to get back to this blog.

I've been thinking about that 'write what you know' advice, and another level on which it often fails.

Real life experiences can sometimes be stranger than fiction, and more importantly, they don't have to make sense.

I visited the walk of fame in Hollywood a few years ago. Struggling actors dress up as costumed characters and busk for change from tourists in exchange for having their pictures taken. Some spots are considered 'prime', and there's a bit of competition for them, sometimes violent.

There was a person dressed in a spectacular Davey Jones (from Pirates) costume, and a fairly viable Jack Sparrow set up shop on one side of him. A few minutes later, another Jack appeared on his left. The Jacks glared at each other behind the scene stealing Davey (neither Jack was particularly good performance wise, and both were relying on the attention of the center performer). They began catcalling and harassing each other.

This escalated to fisticuffs after a little while.

That's right - in real life, I saw two Jack Sparrows trying to beat the crap out of each other while Davey Jones watched, shrugging and waving to the crowd.

If I put this in a story, no one would believe me. It didn't make a whole lot of sense (perhaps in the context of desperate actors?), and it had not much to do with the rest of my day. I have no idea how this would fit into a narrative.

Mostly, this was an excuse to tell you all about the fistfight between Jacks with Davey Jones keeping score, which was just awesome.